Get drunk on airplanes, a satire
People that use the recline feature of their seat are Nazi war criminals.
People that don't get drunk on airplanes are flying wrong.
The first time a child takes off in an airplane is awesome.
The first time a child feels the air pressure pain in their ears is not.
Everything is too short, too narrow, too low, too close and too cramped for a wild omnivore of my species. Is is wildly irresponsible to let a bear ride on a plane.
The guy in front of me is a dude-bro, a seat recliner, and a member of the illuminati. We exchange mild unpleasantness.
Give good quality chocolate to the flight attendants after takeoff. Lyndsay taught me this today. You are making up for the fact that you are unable to tip cash for what is effectively the worlds worst wait staff job. They work hard and deal with assholes, a little kindness will make them feel genuinely appreciated.
I must look comical trying to pee is the bathroom on an airplane. The fact I can fit in the room is a bit of magic. The room is bigger on the inside though. Maybe the TARDIS will be invented as a way of dealing with airline bathroom sizes.
Get drunk on airplanes.
Old Korean women all think I'm a "big boy". All of them. They tell me so. All. Of. Them.
Airplanes smell a lot like the dentist office doesn't.
Why would you wear your hat backwards if you are over 18? Dude-bro illuminati seat nazi doesn't seem to understand basic laws of physics. His seat and my knees can't be in the same place at the same time. I don't like dude-bro.
Schools still teach the science of flight completely batshit wrong.
Bricks make terrible material for airplane wings.
I'm listening to music while sitting next to Charlie, who is watching Adventure Time. DeadMau5 and Johnny Cash both sync up to episodes he is watching is surprising ways.
Drunk. Planes. Combine.
Why would you tell a human grizzly bear that "if we weren't on this plane, I’d kick your ass?" We are going to the same place. we won't be on this plane soon.
Merlot is nearly tasteless at 35,000 feet.
Seat recliners are air nazis. Seriously.
People get mad when you flick their hat off their head.
Children don't like air pressure in their ears.
In flight entertainment is really good, yet so very bad.
Why no wifi on this plane? Bear is mad!!!!
Jack and coke is the closest thing to heaven at 32,788 feet.
My knees are bruised from dude-bro and his seat reclining nature. major unpleasantness has been exchanged.
The Wright Brothers would shit themselves to see airplanes with toilets, restaurants and bars on them.
Even though air pilots are chosen to fly space missions, there is zero similarity in the flight characteristics. I suppose the ability to make decisions in 3D space and high velocity is the advantage there.
Dakota Fanning doesn't deserve the shit I give her.
How can you cut someone off because they are too drunk when you are over international waters? Laws don't apply here. Glad I stole these little bottles from the cart when nobody was looking.
If dude-bro does it one more time, I'm punching him in the head and putting him to sleep.
We should do a VR flight simulator. you sit in a tube for hours at a time pretending like you aren't angry and drunk. not as the pilot but has a passenger.
South Park had this totally right.
Kanye isn't such a bad guy.
They get mad when they find out you stole booze from their little cart.
Dude bro is down cold.
Airmarshals are easily confused. When they taze you and you just sort of giggle, it confuses them.
Bail is expensive.
I might be later returning than expected.
People that don't get drunk on airplanes are flying wrong.
The first time a child takes off in an airplane is awesome.
The first time a child feels the air pressure pain in their ears is not.
Everything is too short, too narrow, too low, too close and too cramped for a wild omnivore of my species. Is is wildly irresponsible to let a bear ride on a plane.
The guy in front of me is a dude-bro, a seat recliner, and a member of the illuminati. We exchange mild unpleasantness.
Give good quality chocolate to the flight attendants after takeoff. Lyndsay taught me this today. You are making up for the fact that you are unable to tip cash for what is effectively the worlds worst wait staff job. They work hard and deal with assholes, a little kindness will make them feel genuinely appreciated.
I must look comical trying to pee is the bathroom on an airplane. The fact I can fit in the room is a bit of magic. The room is bigger on the inside though. Maybe the TARDIS will be invented as a way of dealing with airline bathroom sizes.
Get drunk on airplanes.
Old Korean women all think I'm a "big boy". All of them. They tell me so. All. Of. Them.
Airplanes smell a lot like the dentist office doesn't.
Why would you wear your hat backwards if you are over 18? Dude-bro illuminati seat nazi doesn't seem to understand basic laws of physics. His seat and my knees can't be in the same place at the same time. I don't like dude-bro.
Schools still teach the science of flight completely batshit wrong.
Bricks make terrible material for airplane wings.
I'm listening to music while sitting next to Charlie, who is watching Adventure Time. DeadMau5 and Johnny Cash both sync up to episodes he is watching is surprising ways.
Drunk. Planes. Combine.
Why would you tell a human grizzly bear that "if we weren't on this plane, I’d kick your ass?" We are going to the same place. we won't be on this plane soon.
Merlot is nearly tasteless at 35,000 feet.
Seat recliners are air nazis. Seriously.
People get mad when you flick their hat off their head.
Children don't like air pressure in their ears.
In flight entertainment is really good, yet so very bad.
Why no wifi on this plane? Bear is mad!!!!
Jack and coke is the closest thing to heaven at 32,788 feet.
My knees are bruised from dude-bro and his seat reclining nature. major unpleasantness has been exchanged.
The Wright Brothers would shit themselves to see airplanes with toilets, restaurants and bars on them.
Even though air pilots are chosen to fly space missions, there is zero similarity in the flight characteristics. I suppose the ability to make decisions in 3D space and high velocity is the advantage there.
Dakota Fanning doesn't deserve the shit I give her.
How can you cut someone off because they are too drunk when you are over international waters? Laws don't apply here. Glad I stole these little bottles from the cart when nobody was looking.
If dude-bro does it one more time, I'm punching him in the head and putting him to sleep.
We should do a VR flight simulator. you sit in a tube for hours at a time pretending like you aren't angry and drunk. not as the pilot but has a passenger.
South Park had this totally right.
Kanye isn't such a bad guy.
They get mad when they find out you stole booze from their little cart.
Dude bro is down cold.
Airmarshals are easily confused. When they taze you and you just sort of giggle, it confuses them.
Bail is expensive.
I might be later returning than expected.